Reflect This...

"This is not a reflection, please redo and resubmit."

This is the verbatim feedback I received on one of my required but not graded 'personal reflection' assignments this past semester.  I found this to be amusing because these assignments are sold as a way that the student has a "written conversation (with their instructor) about clinical nursing practice."

I took this description to mean that just about any topic was fair game as long as it related to my clinical practice and i related how it made me feel.  Nope.

I wrote a one page reflection regarding my feelings towards the reflective process as administered by the University of Manitoba Faculty of Nursing.  Basically, they regard the reflective process as a tool with which the instructor can better evaluate the student's growth.  So far, I don't disagree.  Then the syllabus goes on to say that successful completion of the course is only possible when a minimum of three reflective journals have been completed by the student.  

Hold it right there.  

I don't know if it's obvious to the readers of this blog, but other than venting once or twice a semester, my reflective juices aren't sloshing about in sufficient quantities to slam out three journals in two and a half months.  Also, my personality isn't the type that often has a lot to say about my own practice and I'm sure my ACTUAL reflection wouldn't exactly pass muster with the instructor. For example:

"I really shat the bed when trying to insert an IV into my obese 31 year-old patient.  I should get better at sticking needles into fat, puffy things.  Perhaps voodoo?"

or,

"I didn't give my patient's acetaminophen in the appropriate time because I did not see that someone had changed the administration schedule in the MAR (medication administration record). By golly, I will just do better at looking at the page."

Yeah, not exactly what they are looking for I think. 

So, I had a thought that I would reflect on the reflection process itself as it was the only thing giving me any sort of emotional reaction that I could talk about at length.  So I did.  I poured out my heart (honestly, I did, there were even tear stains on the keyboard!) and I wrote a true reflection of my feelings toward my professional practice.

So, what hope is there for someone in my position?  

None, as it turns out.  

"This is not a reflection." 

So, what did I do?

I resubmitted a regurgitated version of how I really didn't like how the doctor was speaking to my patient about the root cause of her hypertension (starts with a 'Mc' and ends with a 'DELICIOUS!!!') and how I should always stand up for my patient and advocate for their right to clog their own damn arteries and I don't care how many hard-luck fatties the doctor has already seen that day he still better be sweet and loving to my patient!!!  

I get the journal back the next week.

"Very well done."

*facepalm*