Situation: Most couples that become pregnant will not learn the gender of their child because they don't want to "ruin the surprise" yet, when doctors ask if the couple would like to be made known of any health defects their child may have then the answer is usually 'yes'.
Question: What is it about perceived positives and negatives that predicts our reaction to them so accurately?
Most people that I have had this sort of conversation with tend to lean towards the reasoning that gender is less consequential than their baby having Down's syndrome or spina bifida and that knowing about the 'negative' of defects is to help them prepare themselves for what is to come.
Really?
Let me clarify that I understand certain conditions identified while the baby is in utero are important because they can now be corrected earlier with a better prognosis of overall health for the child. What I don't understand is the thought process where parents of an unborn child will consider ending the pregnancy due to the issue identified being "too much to handle". At the same time, these kind of people would never consider terminating the pregnancy if they found out that their child was not the gender they were hoping for. No, they say, that would be wrong. Now that you mention it, in some countries it is not wrong. In some countries it is widely accepted and encouraged to simply "delete" the unwanted pregnancies based on the gender or physical makeup of the child-to-be and try again, hoping for a "better" result.
Is it really any different, gender and physical ability or disability? You can draw a line in the sand and say one is different than the other but can you control either? Is it anyone's "fault" that children have genetic and physical defects? Is it to anyone's "credit" that the child has favourable attributes?
It's a reflex type of opinion that people have and it is subjective and wrong simply because the decision was made before the discussion happened. The words (many, I know) that are in quotations are the ones I hear most used and have the least amount of logical reasoning behind them.
Have a discussion with yourself, learn something new.
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Overworked in the ER?
2 years ago
I agree with you in that people shouldn't just hit"delete". Children are a gift from God and we should all be thankful for that gift- boy, girl, special needs or not. God has given us that gift and we should treasure it. (as I do not have the gift of a child- this is an assumption I suppose)
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do think preparation for a gender is entirely different then preparation for a child with special needs. You don't just paint the room pink or blue- you need to read, contact physicians who will take the best care of your child, and prepare yourselves for something extremely different in your lives. For some that may be an easy task- for others it could be emotionally detrimental. We can't assume that everyone who has a child is ready for anything that comes along with it- even just raising a "normal" (I hate to use that) child brings its challenges- and you prepare yourself for "normal-ness" by reading books, buying items and creating a safe, healthy environment so that nothing can go wrong.
As humans we strive for everything to be "perfect". Perfect marriage, perfect job, perfect family. I can see why some people feel the need to know everything and control everything- I think it's those people who are missing the Ultimate Controller in their lives so they feel the need to be in control.
I'm glad I read your blog today- I enjoy thinking about these topics- and responding to them. You are a great thinker- if only everyone had your thoughts.
I do understand the thought process behind people who decide to learn of any health defects so that they can educate themselves on the particulars. I certainly think that establishing support systems and having a plan set before the child arrives can help ease the commotion that soon follows the birth. Thanks for the comment!
ReplyDelete