Insinuation

If ever you've felt that I thought nursing students, on average, were of the stupid inclination, I apologize...for now.

While sitting in class and listening to no fewer than eight students do their best to tear the professor apart due to the fact that they said that she (prof) said that there was only multiple choice on the midterm, wait, no, that she (prof) said that there would be short answer but they would be only one-word answers (wtf?), no, that wasn't it, it was that she (prof) didn't communicate clearly the expectations of the exam because I would have studied WAY differently (read: actually studied) if I had known that I was supposed actually comprehend and memorize things instead of being able to choose the best answer from a list containing one goofy answer, one wrong answer and two answers that are plausible but one results in success and the other in tears and cries of "BUT IT'S THE SAME THING!" (deep breath to recover from run-on sentence and continue the train wreck).................I realized that nursing students aren't exactly stupid, they're scared.

What are they scared of?  Quite simply, they fear the same thing every single person on earth fears:  losing control.  Now, just because we all fear losing control doesn't mean we all have valid fears.  In fact, it's just the opposite.  Our fears are usually ridiculous, things that we have talked ourselves through time after time but still can't bring ourselves to overcome them.  Our fears are irrational, yet every time we reason our way through them, we end of right back where we've begun: clinging to the ice cream bucket, sobbing our eyes out while we watch episode after episode of Holmes on Homes. 

Or something like that.

BUT, nursing students are different.

Nursing students, usually being the overachieving, recently graduated from high-school types, fear losing control of their educational outcomes after realizing they were spoon-fed throughout high-school.  They fear the presence of expectations that, when not met, result in actual consequences.  For instance, being expected to study for and write an exam that isn't multiple choice or being expected to hold your rage inside after a clinical coordinator tells you ever-so-kindly that you are not the perfect angel your parents always said you were.

At this stressful juncture, students have a choice to travel down one of two paths.  They can choose the direction that sees them remain calm despite emotions, cool despite the pressure, and collected despite the urge to lash out at everything (and everyone) that seemingly stands in opposition. This path leads to the realization that life just isn't all about you despite what car makers and your well-intentioned parents would have you believe.  The other path is much easier because every problem is the fault of someone else and every success is yours to flaunt.  The ease ends, however, with a frightening crash upon the rocks of reality or, as I like to call them, the Cliffs of Disparage.

So, while sitting and listening to my fellow nursing students further embarrass themselves, I realized that I was surrounded by something more lethal than idiots: fearful nursing students.

Stay in school.

In the Beginning...

By now, those of you that read (or sporadically check, more than likely) my blog may have noticed that I have some issues with nursing education, the people that enter into nursing education, the people that populate nursing education, and the people that have completed nursing education.

Did I miss anyone?

Oh yeah, the nursing unions, we'll get to them in later posts.

I'm glad we've cleared that up because widespread criticism just isn't the same when you start excusing people from the festivities.  In a nutshell, that is why I write this blog; I can't stomach the thought of being the only health professional on the face of the earth with an active moral, ethical, financial, and satirical conscience so I feel led to call out those that I see doing wrong and those allowing wrong to be done.  In the course of this calling out I hope that I may meet some like-minded individuals but more importantly, I want to meet and hear from those that disagree and those that know better. 

I write this blog because, in my time spent learning how to be a nurse from those that are nurses, I will inevitably learn how not to be a nurse and that's where everyone benefits.

An opportunity for learning and having a laugh at others' expense.

Another QOTS!

They're coming in from all angles!  This one thanks to a "resident".

"You know, I've noticed that some of the darker young ladies that work here have a...protrusion on their backsides.  What could they possibly be doing with that?  I know I wouldn't know what to do with it."

Probably paying the bills...

New QOTS!

We can ring in another winner!

"You know, over 600 people applied to the faculty this year and only 210 were accepted.  Just think that for each one of you, three other people wanted to be in your place.  Congratulations, you all must be very smart."

Oh, you'd be surprised...

The Guy, in the Room, With the Problem, You Know?

Ever since I've immersed myself in the world of Nursing, I've been confronted again and again by gobs of things that are wrong.

Things that are wrong with the education of nurses comes to the forefront most often right now:  little to no preparation for the world of acute care, too much hand-holding through clinical experiences, unrealistic perceptions of the nurse's role within the healthcare continuum, and the fact that it takes four years to teach students skills and concepts that could be taught more effectively by taking them in pairs to the wilderness and shooting one in the leg while handing the other a belt and a book on nursing diagnoses, to name a few (more on the result of this later).

All in all, there have been a number of disturbing discoveries; none, however, as disturbing as the insistence of the Nursing Faculty to continually refer to those under our care as "clients".  As far as I can recall, people requiring medical care from medical professionals were referred to as "patients" and there was a very good reason for this (I don't get tips from patients).  Let me begin by being very dry for a moment and pull some definitions from the dictionary.

cli·ent

/ˈklaɪənt/ Show Spell –noun

1. a person or group that uses the professional advice or services of a lawyer, accountant, advertising agency, architect, etc.

2. a person who is receiving the benefits, services, etc., of a social welfare agency, a government bureau, etc.

3. a customer.

4. anyone under the patronage of another; a dependent.

You may begin to understand the origin of my disgust after reading the definition. You may say, "Yeah, but #1 and #2 fit the bill pretty well" and I'd agree with you up to the point where we both read #3.  Regardless of seeming to fit, I will fight tooth and nail against any insinuation through terminology that health professionals in Canada have "customers".

In contrast, the definition for "patient".

pa·tient

/ˈpeɪʃənt/ Show Spelled

–noun

1. a person who is under medical care or treatment.

2. a person or thing that undergoes some action.

3. Archaic . a sufferer or victim.

I like this much better.  Even "sufferer" and "victim" fit the bill better than "client".  This is simply because if the individual is under the care of a nurse who feels a little "icky" because they drank too much the night before and just can't seem to locate their self-respect and a doctor who can't remember if he's getting four-hundred or five-hundred dollars per person for selflessly exacerbating drug-seeking behaviour at a walk-in clinic two nights a week then, gosh darn it, they are on the road to victimhood.

Quite simply, I've never heard or, more importantly, read one shred of logic behind the switch that seemingly took place over night.

Honestly, I'm looking for some answers here.  Answer me.  Educate me.  Give me something because I'm not seeing how referring to the people who require medical care in the same way as those who requisition the services of an attractive, ambitious, yet uninhibited woman is doing the medical profession any favours.

Oh, and as for the two scrub-bunnies previously mentioned (I know that's demeaning to me as well, thanks); eventually, one of them will figure out that the belt is for the wound and the book of oh-so-useful nursing diagnoses is for toilet paper.

That Fine Line

Well, it's been a fast-paced first two weeks of class and clinicals and I figured it was about time for an update.  I wanted to say first-off that I am very glad that they only let in 200-some students every year to the faculty, any more and I would seriously doubt the capacity of parents to breed more ill-equipped children.  But, I suppose we all have to learn sometime, that's why we go to class.  I like going to class, because then I get to hear stuff like this:



Ah, the joy. 

Yes, I may have embellished little bit, but what's a good anonymous blog if not for a bit of editorial liberty?

Keep those intermittent comments coming!

Orientation Discombobulation

Well, I've had a day and a half of orientation (mostly to clinical and labs) and I've got to say that it can only get better from here.  Up front, the nursing orientations are long on rules and short on explanations which makes sense for scheduling because they don't have a lot of time to explain the rationale behind each requirement.  However, you must realize that students entering into Nursing (maybe any faculty, for that matter, but Nursing more than any other for sure) are quite a fearful bunch.  Upon the mention that they may be required to ask personal health questions of complete strangers they are liable to develop, nurture, and rupture a cerebral aneurysm in short order.

I know I'm in a large minority when it comes to age demographics in my current situation but I still (and will) marvel at the immense amount of stress that young females can conjure up at the instant some requires something of them.  The anger, the tears, the defensiveness, the hostility...and that's just when you ask one if they've completed all their self-study for the bed-making lab.

On a brighter note, a quote courtesy of one of the clinical facilitators has spawned a new feature that I will run on this blog:  Quote of the Shift.  I was going to name it "Quote of the Week", or "Quote of the Month", but both of those put expectations on me and I hate to disappoint, so, an ambiguous time unit fits my style perfectly.

We'll start things off with a bang that's on-theme with this post: rules.

"You can't, as a nurse, do a pulse or a respiratory rate using a digital watch.  I've been a nurse for 14 years and I can't, so I don't expect any of you would be able to."

Slow clap, folks.....slow clap while we gaze in awe at the treasures we are about to discover as we work and, more importantly, listen through the next three years,